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you told me, “don’t fall”
but i did. faster as each moment flew
for we were forged from fire and dust
our souls born from the same star
i see specks of that star in your eyes –
and know i am home.

– k. kanoelani

Moments of Anxiety

When you watch the muscle spasms in the other person’s face as you wait to see their reaction to you admitting your love to them.

Breaking a valuable family heirloom and watching your mother scream.

One becomes incredibly anxious when checking their bank account to see if there is enough to pay for the dinner they just ordered at a five star restaurant. Because who wants to be perceived as a cheap ass?

When you are the only non-white person in your advanced literature class. The isolation sets in and you gradually feel smaller.

Your father casually stating that if you don’t graduate college within the next two years that life will be hell. You’re nineteen.

Waiting to hear the doctor tell you bad news.

-K. Kanoelani

 

Apology

words – silenced by hidden tears
you stand before me, lacerated, angry
i only want to take the pain away
the regret, the longing
you would be right to never forgive me,
but we are both flawed, precious
and arrogant
both of us turn away, drowning in pride
i call you, hands outstretched
you walk further away from me
and they bleed.
you, beautiful and imperfect like me
perfectly human, i see you.
feel me present my vulnerability
please, love me with all my pain
with my fits of rage.
embrace me. heal me –
let me heal you.
and forgive my young mind,
for i still grow.

-K. Kanoelani

First

So…this is my first blog. It’s all still new to me, but at this point in my life, I felt it was the right time. I have many ideas that I want to share with the world. I want the world to be a witness to my struggles, my tears, my laughs, my love, and most importantly, my writing. I always knew I would be a writer, from the time I was six years old and had my own journal. It’s time for me to answer my calling, grow into my element. This blog will help me do that and much more.

I am one who knows pain, lots of it. I also know great happiness. Writing has been my only real way of expressing what thoughts stir around in my head. Words have a powerful way of moving people, helping people visualize the thoughts in their subconscious mind that they usually wouldn’t. In this life, I take nothing for granted. Everyday is a gift that I welcome in with open arms. I’ve been blessed thus far, and know there’s more blessings to come. To whomever reads this, thank you for joining me in this journey called life. I appreciate you, and send you positive light always.

– K. Kanoelani